Trust is one of the essential foundations of a relationship, especially a marriage. On the other hand, lying is one of the fastest ways to break that trust. If you're in a situation where you ask yourself, "why does my wife lie to me all the time?” consider it to be a serious red flag.
How Does a Lie Ruin a Marriage?
Trust is the basis of a happy and healthy marriage. Without trust, a relationship cannot thrive.
Lies destroy that trust. You might try to fix it by gluing your trust or relationship together, but it is not easy. There is no assurance that you can get it back as it was before.
How does lying ruin a marriage?
The first outcome is the loss of trust. Trust and commitment always go together in marriage. When trust has gone, it is easy for commitment to crumble. Once that trust is broken, you may not believe anything your spouse says.
Lying also prevents you from having a deep and empowering conversation with your spouse. Instead, you are overcome with emotions of hurt and anger. You might even feel a certain level of disappointment in them.
Lying to your spouse also opens up a whole new world of deception. If they have gotten away with one lie, what makes you believe they will stop there? It will most likely increase their confidence in their ability to get away with a lie. You are only encouraging their bad behavior of lying, if you continue to turn the other cheek.
And lastly, lying is an act of selfishness. This is a major no-no in a marriage that thrives on being selfless. You vow, the day you get married, to put your spouse's needs before your own. Lying is one way of showing that you don't value your spouse's feelings and that you don't care about their welfare.
My Wife Lies to Me All the Time: What to Do About It
Telling white lies is unavoidable, even when you are married. But when the lies start to add up and become habitual, it is difficult for you to maintain trust in your marriage. The worst thing is when your spouse openly lies to you, even if you know the truth (and they know you do).
So how do you deal with a lying spouse?
Before you do something, knowing your spouse's motive is essential. Are they lying to protect you? Are they doing it to avoid embarrassment? Knowing their motive does not justify their behavior, but it helps you to respond appropriately to that behavior.
Lying is also a sign of a toxic relationship. There is simply no excuse for this kind of behavior. You must take the following steps if you know your spouse is lying to you.
1. Do not blame yourself.
It is a common reaction for you to blame yourself if your spouse does something wrong or inappropriate. However, you must understand that you are not to blame here. It is purely their decision, and you do not deserve to be treated that way.
2. Know when they are lying to you.
If you know your spouse too well, you can identify some tell-tale signs that they are lying to you. You must master how to read these signs so that you will know for sure that they are lying to you. If not, you could be accusing them of lying when they are not, which can be just as bad for your marriage (as it shows a lack of trust on your side).
Do they leave out details about certain activities? Are they becoming indifferent towards you lately? Do they overthink their answers when you ask about their whereabouts?
3. Communicate with them.
If you can confirm that your spouse is lying to you all the time, now is the best opportunity to open up to them about it.
It's tempting to ask them upfront to stop lying to you. But it does not work that way and isn't that simple.
Be calm and rational when talking to them and confronting them about their lying habits. If you feel angry or overcome with emotion, walk away from the conversation. It is always crucial that you have control over your feelings so you can have a more productive discussion.
4. Assess the impact on your marriage
How does it impact your marriage if your spouse lies to you all the time?
Consider the effect of their lying habits on your marriage and ask them the same thing. It would help if you allowed them to address this question so you can get an idea of how they feel about you or your marriage. It will also help you understand if you are on the same page about their behavior.
Depending on your answer to the impact on your marriage, you can discuss how you'd like to move forward. Also, consider your spouse's attitude about the situation. Are they remorseful? Do they show any interest in correcting their behavior?
5. Learn to draw the line
Your tolerance to your spouse’s chronic lying habit might create less conflict at home. However, it is not helping your marriage.
It would help if you communicated your concerns about their lying ways with your spouse. If you cannot do this on your own, seek counseling. Having a professional help cope with your emotions and thoughts about your marriage is vital. Therapy with a professional counselor is a great way to cope with the situation, especially if you are overwhelmed by your emotions. The professional advice of a counselor will help you move forward and ensure that your spouse isn’t so likely to lie to you again.
It is also an excellent platform for each party's side to be heard. It allows you both to voice your thoughts without being in a hostile environment.