Separation is the last thing that you would want to happen to your marriage, no matter how short or long you’ve been together. This is especially true when you have been with someone for a long time. As a result, you do everything in your ability to make sure that this does not happen, but some things are beyond your control. Make sure you know how to rebuild your marriage during a separation so that you can be a stronger couple when you get back together.
Why is Separation Necessary?
Before you learn how to rebuild your marriage, it is important to know why some couples need to have a separation first – and why it isn’t something you must fear.
Separation can be healthy for a marriage, especially if you have been constantly at each other’s throats. It provides you with the opportunity to spend time away from each other and reflect on the things that have gone wrong in your relationship.
For some married couples, physical separation can open their eyes to the possibility of losing their loved ones. This motivates them to fix things that have gone wrong in their relationship and try to make things better.
What you do with your time during separation can be critical in saving and rebuilding your marriage.
How to Rebuild Your Marriage During a Separation
These are the essential steps you must take in order to rebuild your marriage during a separation.
1. Establish Boundaries
When you are separated from your spouse, you become vulnerable. There is always that lingering fear that your spouse might decide that they want to be away from you for good. However, don’t let that fear take over you to the point that you no longer honor the boundaries of your separation.
It is important that you communicate beforehand what your boundaries are for the separation. You need to agree on how you should communicate and for how often. Once you have established these boundaries, you need to honor them.
2. Tackle the Cause of Marital Issues
If you have been able to pinpoint the cause of your marital problems, you need to work on fixing them as a couple – even during your separation. You need to be prepared to confront these issues and get to the root of the problem if you are to have any hopes of saving your marriage.
A lot of married couples tend to focus on the superfluous issues rather than the cause. It might be difficult to confront these issues, but they are necessary if you are to make any progress.
3. Let Your Partner Know What You Want
If you want to save your marriage after a separation, let it be known to your spouse. Make sure you clearly and openly communicate this to them so they know where you stand.
A lot of separated couples end up in divorce because they are not on the same page. For example, your husband might think that you are not interested in saving your marriage because you have not openly talked to them about it. As a result, they give up on your marriage and you part ways for good.
If you want to rekindle your marriage, let your partner know about it. That way, you will both be on the same page.
4. Be Accountable
Accountability and taking full responsibility in a marriage is critical to saving your relationship during a separation. No matter how difficult your problems might seem, it will ease the burden on your shoulders if you take full responsibility for what you did wrong. It will also encourage your spouse to be accountable for their share of the relationship.
You have to realize that there is no such thing as a perfect spouse. While both of you are imperfect, your willingness to take responsibility for your actions and to acknowledge the need to change can make a difference in your effort to save your marriage.
5. Rebuild the Trust
Trust is the bond that strengthens any relationship, especially a marriage. No matter the reason for your decision to temporarily separate, you need to work on earning your spouse’s trust back. This is especially true if the cause of your marital issues is infidelity or any actions that lead to a loss of trust.
Make an effort to build trust again. Establish your trustworthiness to your partner through actions, not just words. Your commitment to change and to earn back their confidence is important if you want to rebuild that trust.
6. Be Positive
A positive mind can do wonderful things as you try to save your marriage during separation. While the situation might seem bleak, you have to learn how to look at the positive things around you. Keeping a positive attitude helps you see the good in your partner. This will encourage you to push forward, even when things get tough.
Also, empowering yourself with positive vibes will make you more attractive in the eyes of your spouse. No one wants to spend time or be with someone who is constantly negative. By staying positive, you can allure your partner towards you.
7. Be Realistic
The ideal scenario after a separation is for you and your spouse to end up back together again. However, this is not a given, especially as there are different circumstances involved that led to your separation.
You need to manage your expectations realistically. If you have opposing views about certain aspects of your marriage, you can agree to find a middle ground instead of letting each other make sacrifices. You need to assume the respective positions so you can see things both ways.
8. Seek Help
It is okay if you acknowledge that you cannot do it alone in terms of saving your marriage during a separation. You can always turn to professional help like marriage counseling or therapy.
These are professionals who are trained and licensed to help couples sort through their issues. By working with a marriage counselor, you can learn how to regain trust in a marriage and to rebuild the foundation of your relationship. You need that external perspective to find out what’s wrong in your relationship and how you can fix them.